What is phubbing? The tech habit quietly damaging relationships
"phubbing"Most of us use a variety of apps, social media platforms and scheduling tools as our lives become increasingly digital. However, for couples, this can lead to interesting dynamics and questions. One...
"phubbing"Most of us use a variety of apps, social media platforms and scheduling tools as our lives become increasingly digital.
However, for couples, this can lead to interesting dynamics and questions. One of you may love being online and posting frequently on social media, whereas the other could prefer a quieter, more private lifestyle.
As such, how you approach technology and digital privacy as a couple could be completely different to how you handle it individually.
'Phubbing' on the rise
Unsurprisingly, technology can have both a positive and a negative impact on your relationship.
Phone snubbing, commonly known as "phubbing" and a related pattern called "technoference" are both increasingly common.
While "phubbing" refers to ignoring or snubbing a partner in favour of a phone, "technoference" refers to any interruption to couple activities caused by technology, such as constant calls, messages or notifications.
According to a 2025 study published in the journal Human Behavior and Emerging Technologies, survey respondents used their smartphones during 27% of the time they spent around their partner, on average.
Around 86% of respondents also used their phone every day while around their partner.
This was based on objective phone-tracking data rather than self-reports, which may not be as accurate.
The study found that phone use around one's partner could predict lower relationship satisfaction and co-parenting quality, as well as greater depression and lower life satisfaction. The effects were more pronounced for women.
On the other hand, technology can also benefit your relationship by making it easier to stay in touch, schedule important dates and activities, or bond over a favourite show.
When it comes to digital privacy, however, things can get more complicated. Couples today have to navigate a number of situations that did not exist for previous generations.
According to the relationship resource Love Respect, couples may need to discuss digital boundaries around privacy and exclusivity.
This can include whether it is okay to tag each other in pictures and posts or check in somewhere together. Whether to make a relationship status public is another point worth discussing, along with whether partners can follow each other's mutual friends.
However, one of the most important digital privacy questions couples may need to align on is whether they are comfortable using each other's devices.
Another major question is location sharing. According to a Civic Science report published last year, around 52% of Americans share their location with a spouse or partner.
In other cases, couples may disagree over home security and tech due to privacy concerns, as well as over what personal information to share online, for example when shopping, due to fears of scams.
Bridging the privacy gap
One of the first, if most obvious, things you can do when you realise you and your partner have different views on digital privacy is talk to them.
According to Love Respect, you should find out what they are comfortable sharing online while also communicating your own thoughts on what you want and do not want to share. Try to stay as calm and clear as possible.
It may help to discuss social media rules, such as tagging or posting photos of each other, or sharing relationship statuses. For location sharing, temporary sharing or turning off real-time tracking can ease friction.
You can choose to keep your phone and email passwords separate, as part of your personal autonomy.
It can also help to find small compromises, such as regular updates while travelling instead of an all-day live tracking app.
If the conversation is not progressing or is getting heated, it can help to take a break, give each other space and revisit the topic later, once both of you have had time to process things.
Approaching a couples counsellor can also help if you find it difficult to reach a satisfactory agreement.
Love Respect also emphasises that you should never feel pressured, manipulated or guilted into sharing your passwords or logins, or into changing digital habits you are comfortable with.
